We're facebook friends in real life
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
