Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize