I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
