When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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