im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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