I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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