we're chasing vodka with high fives
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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