I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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