im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
