Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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