I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
