Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
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the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
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The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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