3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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