Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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