So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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