You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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