got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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