the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
