He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
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I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
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Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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