you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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