you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
