i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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