I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This baby is an asshole
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
