I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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