bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
