Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
