did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
