I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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