Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
