im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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