So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
