Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
