I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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