i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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