She's JV to your varsity
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
