i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Boobs are out for the taking
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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