An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
