remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
