i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
