the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
