last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
