SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
