Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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