Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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