im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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