You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
