You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover