yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
