Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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