Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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