When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
