I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
