I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
