Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
