Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
