There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My first STD was from a foam party
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
