You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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