Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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