oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
