you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
