You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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