put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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