She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
