He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
