found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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