yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
