i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
